me: (farts right before leaving a store)
my girlfriend: oh wait I want to look at this one last thing
me: no we got to go right now
It took me 18 years to realise Saturday has turd in it
every class is art class if you dont care enough
when u excited about something and ur friend isnt
american horror story: asylum
one of my favorite things is when you give a baby your finger and they hold on to it as tight as they can. it’s funny because they don’t even come close to having the amount of muscle power i do. do you really think you can hold me here haha. i’ll crush you
chill hazel grace its a metaphor
Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?
i lost 10 followers already
who wants to give up on society and go live in a treehouse with me
Who wants to sit at the cool kids table when you can sit at the duel kids table?
How long after arriving at someone’s house is it appropriate to ask for the WiFi password?